Minute by Minute

Actually, it does matter what you chose to do or not do minute by minute. Just because you don’t acknowledge reality and willfully chose to ignore it doesn’t mean that the consequences won’t be waiting for you. 

We all have a conscience and despite all of our technological advancements, we still can’t explain how we have it or where it comes from. We really just know that it’s there and it’s waiting for us at the end of each day when our head hits the pillow or when we get a few moments of actual silence with no noise or distractions; and really the only actual way to satisfy that inner voice is to actually do something about it. That internal criticism just never seems to stop either.

If you had to take proper inventory of your life and you actually genuinely tried to see what was left to be done in YOUR life, you’d probably shatter your self image and realize your own damn short comings (don’t worry, we all have them).

Oh, but it’s not necessary. It’s not required to take account for yourself and even moreso is that true when no one cares that deeply about your own problems (contrary to what you tell yourself). We have all these distractions (quite literally) at our fingertips. It’s a very courageous soul that embarks on the journey of life and sets order where it has been left out. That’s creation and organization. That’s doing something that’s actually difficult and being okay with uncertainty because the results aren’t guaranteed. That’s putting your best foot forward and hoping for the best. That’s establishing order and struggling to be become someone worthwhile in a realm that you aren’t familiar with. That is true courage. Pushing on despite uncertainty.

That means actively trying to control yourself from spending too much time just mindlessly browsing online.
It’s also doing what must be done in your life to the best of your abilities and being okay with struggling (or recognizing that you have a limit and you’re not the best at one particular thing).

This all also includes doing what you must and not coming home just to lock yourself up in your room and binge on porn or playing video games or watch Netflix.
This also includes developing a proper focus that won’t easily be distracted or steered off course and that will guide you even when you don’t want to go where you must. 

It should also go without saying if you never see where you must go (physically or mentally or what have you) you’ll never know what to actually do about much of anything. Setting a sight is a sacrifice for a greater good.

All of this is really difficult to do, especiallly when you don’t have anyone to really hold you accountable. This is part of the reason why isolation is so dangerous.

I only write about these problems extensively because they are my own and I’m trying to find the best solution that I can to solve the catastrophe that is life. I’ve been ignorant of my issues for a few years now because I didn’t want to think about them. I didn’t want to think about them because it’s painful to just think about and it has become a monster that has been hiding in the shadows of my life. I’m not everything I could be and I hate to admit it and I don’t even acknowledge that much when I compare myself to someone else because the emotional side of myself fails to see that I failed myself and didn’t develop because of self sabotage. It’s my own damn fault.

And if I struggle with this foundational step this much and its because I didn’t even choose to see, just think about having to confront what I actually must.

Of course, it isn’t all bad. I still have time and potential and energy. I can still choose to make things better for myself but that’s a decision I have to take and enforce minute by minute. Seeing a possible solution is the first step to analyzing how it can be achieved.

So, I’m done with the endless distractions that are porn and mindless nights spent watching YouTube videos that I don’t even care about; I just watch them out of convenience to put off what I must. That also means that I’m done just going to mindlessly run when my body could very well derive more benefits from a proper routine and an actually healthy sleep schedule. This is my blog and it’s where I will be posting my progress. I hope if nothing else you can stick around and see that change is possible and you too can do it.