Procrastinating my life away.

Success is a very delicate formula that can be ruined with little inconsistency. I would know because I’ve been the one to ruin my own chances of success all this year.

This year would’ve been a hell of a lot better if I had only come to set my sights on a proper goal. That is the beginning of the journey, the other part of the process is actually living up to the standards that I set for myself despite the degenerating standards that society at large chooses to follow. It’s so easy to just degrade and let everything just fall apart; that’s the very natural course of things. Order is a critical component to building something worthwhile, and it’s that part that I can’t seem to get right. Maybe part of it is that I am partially afraid of success and maybe part of that also has to do with my inability to commit to something that is not real just yet. Maybe it is mostly my fault for letting myself get this way-well it is most definitely mostly my own fault.

This blog was supposed to be something greater and something worthwhile that I was building but I slipped into a terrible habit of neglecting it and now it’s just become a shell of what could’ve actually been. This is a reoccurring theme in my life.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

Heraclitus

It isn’t just so much as this is all about simply me; I can’t do this life thing all alone. We are all interconnected and we are all social creatures. We depend on one another to build societies and function properly. Indeed, everyone has an individual role and yet, for some terribly arbitrary reason I chose to do most of what I do alone. It’s always been my nature and succumbing to my own natural tendencies makes me wither away and weakens my over all state of being. Part of it was the way I was brought up, part of is the way I learned to cope with my own insecurities. Life is not about the materials or the possessions. It is about the people and the networks and we have become so self-centred and forgotten all about that. We are not robots built to go from task to task.
That being said, One thing is for certain, that’s being that I can’t do this alone.

Not only that but if I don’t know exactly what I’m aiming at and trying to achieve I’ll never know exactly what all I have to do in order to end up when I want to be and need to be. And as I have come to learn sometimes what I want is not what I need, In much of the same way just because I can do something does not necessarily mean that I should do it.

Just today I cleaned up my room and washed my car. It’s nothing too incredibly difficult but they’re necessary to the blue print of my future success. I finally got around to doing a few long over due things and I don’t want next year to be a repeat of this one; not that this one was anything too bad. It just wasn’t all it could be and I’ll pay the price for that eventually. it’ll be my own undoing that’ll bring about my own downfall. It is these thoughts that torment me at night when I can’t sleep. Life just won’t get easier by merely wishing for it.
What all does this entail though? What all should actually change?

Well for me it’s….

• Going to sleep when I should to be well rested and not struggling each day unnecessarily because I decided to binge YouTube the night before.
• Getting out of the house and trying new things
• Doing stuff that I know that makes me happy and boosts my mood. I recently found that I quite enjoy dancing to my favorite songs, despite looking like I have 2 broken left feet.
• Continually redefining what could be the best version of myself- which by my estimations is what all I am actually supposed to be doing in my 20’s at any rate.This means that I find what my limits could be and actually are and expand them.
• Having continued appreciation for life.
• Giving up cheap pleasures like porn, video games and the constant shopping to escape. Youtube can be grouped in with this one along with snapchat.
• Stop pulling out my phone simply out of pure boredom just to distract myself. Ignoring the actual reality will not just give it the virtue of going away.
• Getting back to my workout plan that I never quite developed.
• Blogging more frequently and critically thinking, two things I have long abandoned because of the minor inconveniences that they seem to pose. I struggle to bring myself to think and do what all I must.
• This one also includes having some sort of studying schedule so i don’t screw myself over when I get back to school next year.

All in all, I am being quite honest with myself I have let life become too easy and it is starting to stagnate. I do’t feel quite the same pressure I once did to move and get back on track as I did when I was in school. It is like all my current efforts are limited and undercut by the fact that I have some unfortunate limitations plaguing my existence; and yet even given that much, I still don’t feel quite satisfied giving my way the easy way out. Cheap pleasure has never brought me proper satisfaction. Cheap pleasures are just a distractions that take away from my over all life satisfaction. Legitimate excuses have never stopped the ones who really wanted to go out and make something happen. As a greater society we have stopped making strives for improvement and instead opted to maximize pleasure. It is for that very foundation that I can binge endless hours of YouTube and never actually really get down to doing what matters most. That is what caused the fundamental death of my ambitions; It was my own self and lack of commitment to myself because I opted to pursue some cheap pleasure.

And, as the title suggests, procrastination could very well have cost me my short (and long term) future. Because I waited too long to do most of what I know I should have done, I missed out on valuable and once in a lifetime opportunities. I did this to my own self and choosing to not think about it or acknowledge the problems does not make them magically disappear. Now this is my issue and I must make the most that I can to get out of the rut that I put myself in and I must hold myself accountable. It is going to be a struggle but I have to start remaking my life one day at a time.